"While I was in it, experiencing it, I felt like a tempest had beset me. Uncomfortable events and perceptions. My determination and willingness to observe (variable at best) is what carried me to a place that is a space in the spirit where I can grasp some small revelation of my Self.
...About this compassion thing --
it's turning out to be something very different from what I have understood it to be. It's not only a feeling of empathy, or wanting to alleviate the suffering of another, and the other meanings that are rather standard definitions. Compassion for all beings?
>>>>> I'm a good person. I don't deserve this or that. I'm kind to others so why am I being treated like this or that? I reached out, so why didn't they reach back? .....on and on.
I discovered so many levels of it so far that my head is spinning! It is beyond insidious and pervasive. I think there are many sides to this 'thing' called compassion.
For me, this means initially practicing being with, and allowing without reacting to, the unwanted feelings that arise within me in correspondence to events. I believe the beginning of compassion is toleration of the part of the mind that throws out random definitions of events; pre-conditioned thoughts, to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
In realizing the essential need to have compassion for myself first, and cultivating it as best I can, I then can realize that compassion for others is perhaps tolerating and allowing my own self-image-protection 'thoughts', or negative, fear-mongering 'thoughts' to rise and fall, so that I can begin to live from a place of all humanity's natural potential for goodness -- Spirit or Self with a capital S, instead of only self-mind. An admittedly daunting journey at times! I'm just starting to get my 'footing' in this place called groundlessness ---