I am not entirely sure how I arrived at this place, but I did. Giving up our home was difficult. To be completely honest, looking back, I believe that rather than looking at our situation or the experience, I did what I needed to in order to move forward. I didn't really think about it. For the most part, it just was, so I excepted it. This was the first of my realizations. Accepting it was easier (or safer) for me than to face it.
As I look back over the past week, I was able to see clearly tonight that I am now able to face it. I guess I was ready to. This does not mean that it is easy. It just means that I have grown and am ready.
As I was laying in bed trying to sleep, my mind took me back to the kitchen that I loved so much.
The home itself wasn't anything fancy, new, or modern, by any means. What it was, was warm, inviting and comfortable. The entire front of the home was what I referred to as our fishbowl; one window after the other, showcasing a natures paradise. I can say confidently that a day never went by that I was not in awe of what beauty lay outside those windows. The array of birds, the weeping birch that swayed so strong, yet gently in the wind, the tall and sturdy pine that stood beside her, the amazingly spectacular sunsets, the haunting moon. So much wonderful and inspiring beauty all around, in every moment of every day. I was grateful and felt blessed.
And so this, I have come to realize, is what I had to give up.
It has been a year, but today, it was met with a certain sadness. I know in my heart that what I have gained is so much more, I do. Perhaps, rather, in my head, and maybe in my soul and not so much in my heart today. Today my heart, it so does ache. But what I have learned, is that, this is ok. This is the acceptance, for I have learned.
Most of what I have learned, I am not entirely sure if another can teach. These kinds of lessons, another can offer advice, guidance, and support, but the lesson itself, must be learned, experienced and felt deep within. And so tonight, I have.
It's not come with a regret or a painful sorrow, but a sadness that now understands the lesson. Could I have learned a lesson of this magnitude had I not have embraced the journey as I was passing through? I know somehow that I had to experience the whole. Life is a little crazy sometimes. But it does give you what you most need. And takes away what you don't need or what is necessary for growth.
I love the many lessons that I have learned. I love who I have become. I love who I am. I have learned to embrace all aspects of myself and my life, right up to this moment. Through this as well, I have learned to love others more, to understand more, to accept, to embrace, and to be more compassionate towards another. I have learned to be a better teacher. But more, I have learned to be a better student.
Paradigm Shift♡ A Transformation♡ A Significant Change♡ in the way you perceive events, people, the environment around you, & within you, has a dramatic effect on you. A renewed understanding♡ this is where you are meant to be. this is what you were meant to learn, to experience♡ a new awareness on the 'positive or negative,' your life will forever be changed.
I know that there is much that I have left to learn, to see and to experience, and I am ready.